Trip to Shanghai~

well, i've been away to shanghai from 8th~17th december in case any of you wondered what happened to that guy who always comes online 24/7 without fail and without rest like some bangla worker exploited by chinese slave drivers. Right.

Technically, i wasn't in Shanghai all the time, here's a rough outline of my trip:

Shanghai -> Su Zhou-> Hang Zhou -> Wu Xi-> Nanjing -> Shanghai -> Singapore

Let me sum PRCs up with 3 S-es.

Smoke.
Spit.
Shit (without flushing)

Oh, and an additional one, SCAMMERS!

If i were to throw a rock from my hotel in Sofitel (shanghai) down at nanjing road) I'd hit a guy that does all of the above. The chances will be as high as the chances of chi tao screwing up when asked a question by ms gill.

Let's see, the entire trip was pretty much hectic as we had to wake up at about 6plus everyday to get to our destinations on time. It's pretty much as fked up as Saddam when he invaded kuwait as we're constantly on the the run after staying in our hotels for a night. As the great pilot Sammy once asked," Dude, you on the run or on a holiday?" I thereby sum my china trip in one word.

Fucked.

Oh and let me get to the 3 (or 4) S-es.

Smoke- Those PRCs smoke their bloody cigarettes everywhere infecting our healthy lungs with their poisonous fumes of harmful tobacco and tar which results in their eventual end of their short-lived lives.

Spit- Those PRCs spit everywhere that i can play "Count the spit on the floor" with my sister

Shit- Well, as well known as Mao Ze Dong's face on tian an men square, China is known for perfectly disgusting toilets that will put a the meaning of "Fear of God" to every hypochondriac. The toilet have no doors OR have doors that doesn't work, there's shit clogged up the bowls, and yes, the classic, pee on the floor as they can't aim their 2 inched dicks 4 feet down the toilet bowl.

Oh and lets not forget what the chinese are known for, scheming bastards. Going for a tour in China is absolutely not for leisure and relax, but for them to give us a chance to scam us and smoke us about

"OOOO~ CHINESE MEDICINE! CURES ALL ILLNESS AND CANCER! VERY VERY GOOO~(insert honky accent)" Basically, half our time in china is spent in "tourist destinations" that require us to buy some shit produce in China which is obviously daylight robbery.

The Chinese, obviously brilliant, displayed the full prowess of this chinese proverb

"Fang chang xian, diao da yu" (release a long line to hook big fish) which translates from german, "We scam or you scram"

They give you a lecture, like some conman with magic stones down at some HDB, show you what MAGICAL-IMMORTAL-FENG-SHUI-LIKE heavenly herbs/teapot/pearls grown/made/reared on the realms of heavens and dragon shit, give you a free sample, french kiss your ass or smack your horse's ass with a solar sail, throw in a buddha or two and brew for 7-7-49 days, and before you can say "SHIT I GOT SCAMMED", you're already walking out with a merchandize or two costing approximately 10 times of what it cost them to make while they wave, smiling happily at you whilst holding back their laughs and thoughts such as "sucker".

Well, thankfully, neither my parents or most of the tour-mates were dumb enough to fall for such fallacies and we proceded with minimal purchases except for one family which practically bought sth from every shop they visited. My thoughts were they were either bigspenders, bigoted suckers or plainly gullible.

My dad got along with another dude with a business partner of that family (they were both hainanese), and being hainanese, they were gossiping and all and when they ran outta stuff to talk about, they talk about that family.

Guy,"Aye aye, know sth funny? You see that fang xian sheng spend quite a lot on the trip, but you know what he drive? Nissan SUNNEH!! WAHAHAHA!"

In case most of you don't get the joke, call 96386450 for enlightenment.

But besides all those, the scenic tour in su zhou and hang zhou is pretty cool. Maoler once told me (which was repeated about 7-7-49 times by the tourguide)

Tian you tian tang, di you su-hang (Sky's got heaven, Earth's got suzhou and hangzhou)

It was beautiful. Probably the most beautiful scenary I've ever laid my eyes upon. The boat rides on the lakes were breathtaking (not because it was a bloody cold day with fog), but because of the land forms and picturesque (did i spell that right?) views that looked like it came off a google-image page.

Now unto food. I can only think of a few words to describe it

Salty
Oily
Sucky

Why? Cuz it's TOUR-FOOD. Restaurants that take in tours can NEVER be good. It is only after the tour and we were freed-and easy that we got to experience GENUINE chinese cuisine and wooo-mama, it was EX-CE-LLENT. Peking roast duck, 8 treasures meat, dong puo rou, chinese barbequed pork, hong shao pai ku, etc. Better than any shit you've tasted in Singapore, now THAT's living. If you wanna eat and enjoy yourself, go to china, free and easy not with tours but with yourself. That last 2 days in shanghai is probably well worthed the entire misery i've been put through.

Continued:

Fun facts about China:

Tour guides: Tourists are a good source of money. Drain them of every drop because we deserve every cent we scam. According to Buddha, having money gives you woes, so by relieving you of your cash, we're doing a good deed! It's called Karma, bitch.

Beggars: They belong to an organization known as Gai Bang (Beggar Sect) Yes, it exists and the more you beg and get, the higher your seniority which is indicated by how pathetic you look or how bad you smell.

PRC women: Don't call them xiao jie les you wish to have your ass kicked and chased by an angry mob with pitch forks and fire torches. Call them Gu niang (maybe guniang)

Language: You can shout "YOU CINA SMOKING BASTARDS! GET OUT OF MY ELITIST FACE" and get away with it.

Prices: Things cost 25% of what is indicated on the price tag.

Fengshui: Just a scam to sell cheap wooden boards to the west

KungFu: Not everyone knows

Toilets: As clean as your rectum

Censorship: Wikipedia un-friendly, the great FIRE-wall of china.

Paypal: G-Buy (say it out loud and you'll get the joke)

Originality: Uniquely Imitating

weee new blog~

Well, new environment, new life, new blog, that's the way I wanna do things~ Either that, or I'm most probably trying to avoid some bloody emo faggoty maggot that is harassing me and reading my blog.

Apparently, that no life maggoty emo freak decides to google and try to pry his eyes into my freaking private life, how gay is that? (that was a rhetorical question)

Anyways, let me sum up the past events which has marked an important milestone in our lives:

MID YEAR EXAMINATIONS: JC style

Woohoo, exams AFTER your holidays, how cool is that? It's like our principals are enforcing the principle of:

we're nice because we give you a WHOLE VACATION to mug, no no, not recharge batteries, to mug you lazy maggots! And now time to give you guys extra tough papers so you can cry and whine over your failures! Hopefully, the weak ones will go commit suicide while the more sensible ones will learn to STUDY and not slack and hopefully NOT GET RETAINED after the promos! ;)

Well, I phailed chemistry (no suprise there) along with 18 other good buddies in my class, and i phailed my GP paper 2 too! (The passage was about being gay, no, literally, it's money and happiness) Since it's GP, we're supposed to comply a ridiculous task of paraphrasing the most simpleton words like happiness, prices, money, etc etc. Wai Chung is downright genius at that, he paraphrased happiness with gay, so a normal question and answer goes:

Q: What is the link between money and happiness that is proposed by the author?
A: It is that more money brings about more gayness.

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IVLE learning day:

e-learning? More like e-lagging, we have approx 800++ students logging on to IVLE at once, subtracting the muggers chiongers etc etc, we're left with 790++ students logging on at IVLE at once on wed (well, cuz we didn't chiong on tues) The result? A laggy server which crashes at every 5 minutes of loading. So point, laugh, scorn, at the half assed failed attempt of MJC educators in inducing E-LEARNING (pause and give a wow please) act what high tech? don't even have the sufficient resources to do so then don't la, snobs =_=

Emo fags:
Well, emo shit here has given me enough blood pressure, i definitely need a medium to express my frustrations and all, the blog =) I can't use the old one because that emo fag told me he saw my blog and will stop harassing me (for 1 second) But apparently, he's fucking annoying and is still at it! So, in order to gain my attention (omfg, this sounds so damn wrong, but screw it, it makes HIM look bad) he fabricated some stories like:

My dad lost his job and i'm damn stressed =(((((((
Oh oh uni, i got into a car accident today and i have chinese oral! My eyes hurt damn a lot now!! Accompany me see a doctor =((( i don't dare ask my friends cuz they'll laugh at meee =(((

Eh please? I'm not stupid, get a fucking life and bother someone else, if your dad really got out of job, you wouldn't spam smses to harass me, you wldn't go out have fun and watch movie, you wouldn't have 2k++ to go for some cambridge exchange trips, hell, you wouldn't even GET A DAMN BLOODY CAB. And oh, one more thing, your friends won't laugh at you because we don't have such jerks in school, they'll probably spat in disgust because you're simply SEEKING ATTENTION, pffft, emo fag.

Well, if somehow by some faggoty ridiculous way of how fate works, it IS true, well, i'm a real jerk isn't it? Nope, I don't care..know why? Cuz you don't deserve my sympathy (yeap, i'm the baddie now, throw eggs at me!) There's a fine line between being a jerk and giving just desserts, if you think i'm a jerk, go ahead, stop bothering the jerk please, he's just giving your desserts =)